Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Student Loan Scandal Shocks Our Lady of Notre Dame


Executive Vice President John Affleck-Graves reportedly stole $58,984 last year in eight months as director of Student Loan Corp., a lender to ND's students and parents. That firm is tied to Citibank, which Notre Dame "strongly" recommends to students.

This is not the first time, nor will it be the last time, that something has been stolen from Our Lady of Notre Dame. Tomorrow evening, when the BIG EAST Fighting Irish step inside the Rock and do battle with our beloved Seton Hall Pirates, they’ll be lucky if they come away with their socks on. Because not only will their pride be gone, but their shoes, jerseys, and shorts will surely be missing by halftime.

In honor of National Signing Day tomorrow, I would like to revisit a former Notre Dame star who has completely lost all dignity – Brady Quinn. Without taking a single meaningful snap in his entire career, Mr. Quinn has managed to land wonderful commercials which feature him throwing subs to fans (ironically the same number of sandwiches he throws is the exact number of completions he has had in his bleak, professional career) to drinking some form of steroids, er, muscle supplement. Congratulations Marsha, you’ve really made it.









So as the Pirates get set to prove who’s boss in this battle of elite Catholic universities, look for Seton Hall to steal the ball from Haranchode-y because he’ll be too busy pulling up his shorts…?


Prediction:
Seton Hall – 84
O.L.N.D - 1

3 comments:

clasless shu said...

i did not know they let mentally handicapped people write blogs. nothing here has anything to do with the basketball game. i could only decipher the part about the irish players being sexually assaulted by having their clothes stolen. however, i found the part where you called seton hall "an elite catholic university" quite funny
p.s notre dame wins this one

Anonymous said...

I absolutely love the diverse and different styles of writing displayed by Beast of the East and Hazard Zet Forward. This post was the milk to the Beast of the East's oreo posts. Unless you're lactose intolerant, clasless shu....

jack said...

I am going to have to agree with the Notre Dame fan on this one. The original post seems like style over substance to me. It wasn't particularly clever, just a lot of unoriginal insults. It's ok to try to be funny, but you need to have some kind of relevant analysis thrown in there.