Monday, October 6, 2008

The Gonzo Gamble

For those of you who know Dave and I well, you know us to be men of chance. Every now and then, we love a good spin of the wheel. A quick shuffle of the cards. A Thursday night game of Yahtzee, for money.

Well, considering all the uncertainty surrounding this season’s roster, Dave and I have decided to post odds on some of the many Seton Hall players in question. So, I hope you’re listening Vegas!! And also, Macau!!

Place your bets! Place your bets!

Melvyn Oliver 2:1

Given that it is now October and the NCAA (Publisher’s?) Clearinghouse still has not mailed the winning envelope to Gonzales’ grandmother, we’re estimating there’s a 50/50 chance that Big Papi suits up for the Hall. The fact that no answer has come yet is not a very encouraging sign, and with each day, the odds seem to get worse. Still, you have to think that the NCAA might take some pity on Oliver and the Hall, given the recent Glover scandal. The bottom line is this, though: unless Oliver can lose an additional 20 pounds, his effectiveness will be limited at best. But with only 8 players on the current roster, the more body on the bench, the better.

Mike Glover 7:2

A real long-shot only a couple weeks ago, word is that there is a chance Glover might be granted the opportunity to begin practicing with the squad. After having taken his case to court, Glover has earned the respect of his peers as a modern day Atticus Finch, fighting for justice after his transcript was ruled ineligible without cause. At 6’6’’, Glover does not fill our void at power forward, but he is an unbelievable athlete who add a tremendous emotional lift to this team, not to mention one of the most revered American literary figures.

Herb Pope 5:1

“Pope 5:1” looks a lot like a bible verse, and it may take some serious praying for this 80% underdog. Although Herb has definitely endured more hardship at his age then most men endure in a lifetime, we’re doubtful that his waiver will be accepted by the NCAA. His numerous missteps at New Mexico have tarnished his reputation a bit, and it’s more likely that the powers that be will have him sit out a season. It actually may be the best thing for him. But let this be known: Pope is a sick, sick talent around the hoop.

Keon Lawrence (Confusing)

Here’s why: there’s actually a very good chance that Lawrence will have his hardship waiver approved. Originally from the Newark area, Keon has suffered a number of personal issues that make his coming home to NJ very plausible. However, his waiver would only permit him to become eligible midway through the season. Too many variables in this one right now – go find another table.

Matt Cajuste 10:1

Since everyone knows 8 players are not enough, there has been a lot of discussion lately about the possibility of a walk-on. The best candidate for this position was Matt Cajuste. A big kid from Long Island, Matt was a decent prospect coming out of high school, although not Big East caliber. Unfortunately, word is out that Matt is not interested in joining the team, focusing instead on his studies, particularly mathematics and deductive logic. Matt, I applaud your interest my friend, but let me ask you this: are the two mutually exclusive?!?!?

Me 20:1

Sure, I may not officially be enrolled at Seton Hall, but I do have 4 years of eligibility remaining. Also, you would not find someone more dedicated then me. What I lack in athleticism I would make up for with hustle. What I don’t have in terms of locker room experience I would overcompensate for with awkward social maneuvers around the players. And last but not least, I can stroke it, no joke. From the top of the key, I am lights out. Also, in all my years of sports, I have only one recurring injury: fractured pinky.

Dave 45:1

Although Dave was the superior athlete during our high school days, I can assure you I am a better basketball player. On how many occasions have I observed a pick-up game in the park, commenting to Dave, “Let’s get next,” only to see him recoil in disapproval? How many times, when watching ESPN 2, have I reminded him of the former WNBA tagline “We got next,” only for neither of us to know how to break the ensuing silence? Yeah, I guess it’s true… some guys have a love for the game. But players have a love to play it.


j said...

its sad how much i like this blog

William said...

Dave was a fine basketball player at university. My lasting memory is of him on a breakaway kicking the ball out of bounds and then falling over himself. Don't hang up that jersey just yet young man.

Todd Haselton said...

i sometimes wish I was jeffrey woglom

j said...

me too todd, me too...i mean at least your pants look like/are his