Tuesday, December 29, 2009

To Pulp or Not to Pulp; SHU Preps for Cuse

After dropping home games to Temple and WVU, Seton Hall is ready to take on tonight the nation's #5 best team: the Syracuse Orangemen.

Now, you might be asking yourself, how will we ever defeat the 'Cuse? Will it be our tenacious half-court defense? Wrong. Perhaps our FEROcious rebounding? Incorrect. Rather, we plan to beat them with our PRESS. Or, more precisely, our PRESS AND TWIST.

With walk-on Matt "Juice" Cajuste twiddling his citrusy mitts, we intend to grab Syracuse by their Beyonce-esque skin-fitting jerseys and juice the living crap out of them. How do I know this? SHU is giving away "Juice the Cuse" t-shirts to the first fans to arrive (i.e. Dave and myself).

Now, in all seriousness, I really do think the key to victory will be the pressure our guards can apply. Yet again, our advantage in this game is at the guard position, as it will be against most teams we face. If Harvey, Theodore, Hazell (& Gatling?!?!?) can turn over this inexperienced Syracuse backcourt, we just might have a chance. With just a little luck, and some serious torque of the wrist, we'll turn Scoop Jardine into Smush Parker.

And just in case you don't think this game is personal, remember that last year we almost came to blows with Syracuse in Madison Square Garden. Remember also that my college roommate is from Fayetteville (a suburb of Syracuse, if Syracuse can even be called an urb) and my cousin's husband went to Syracuse Law. Quick question, Jesse: While your command of our nation's justice system is no doubt formidable, was it worth freezing your oranges off for 3 years??

Okay, gotta run. It's after 1 pm, and Dave and I need to get those shirts... JUICE THE CUSE

1 comment:

UConnia said...

I smell a very citrus-y upset.